I just got home.

The shift is over.

The keys are handed over.

The rounds are done.

The documentation is done.

So why is my brain still at work? 😭

Tonight was a full moon double, and let me tell you…

the energy was STRONG.

Out of 15 residents, we had three pretty extreme behaviors.

Honestly?

I’m calling that a win. 😂

But one interaction really stuck with me.

I had a resident who was having a rough evening. There was a lot of verbal resistance during dinner and bedtime care, including refusing dinner and medications.

Multiple attempts were made.

The care team continued to work with him, and eventually HS care was successful with the aide.

I documented the refusals.

I documented the attempts.

I did what I could in the moment.

And then, toward the end of the shift, this man wakes up acting like nothing ever happened.

Completely himself.

Like he didn’t just spend part of the evening giving me a full performance. 😂

And suddenly my brain goes:

“Should you have done more?”

“Did you do enough?”

“Did you miss something?”

“Should you have handled that differently?”

And there it is.

The post-shift spiral.

That lovely little part of nursing nobody really talks about.

You can do everything you’re supposed to do, document what happened, give report, finish your rounds…

and still get home wondering if you were good enough.

Tonight, I had to remind myself:

I can’t make decisions based on what happened later.

I have to respond to what is happening in that moment.

I can make multiple attempts.

I can offer reassurance.

I can involve the care team.

I can document.

I can communicate.

And sometimes…

the answer is still no.

That doesn’t mean I failed.

It means I was caring for another human being who, in that moment, was not willing or able to accept what I was offering.

That’s nursing.

It’s messy.

It’s unpredictable.

And sometimes the person who was arguing with you at 8 PM is sitting there perfectly content at 10 PM like the entire thing never happened.

Meanwhile, you’re at home replaying it like a Netflix series. 😂

So tonight, I’m trying to give myself some grace.

Was it a perfect shift?

No.

Was it a terrible shift?

Also no.

There were challenges.

There were behaviors.

There were moments that tested my patience.

But there were also successful moments, good teamwork, documentation completed, rounds finished, and a whole lot of care given.

Maybe that’s enough.

Actually…

I know that’s enough for tonight.

The nurse brain can clock back in tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m off.

🌕 Full moon double: survived.

Scrubs and Side Eyes
— Just trying to keep it together one shift at a time.