There are two sides of me that apparently do not know how to work together very well.

Nurse brain.

And mom brain.

Today, mom brain is winning.

My daughter is going in for a PET/CT scan today, and let me tell you…

anything medical involving my own kid?

My anxiety goes straight to DEFCON 1.

😂😭

As a nurse, I can explain things.

I understand what the scan is for.

I can explain what they’re looking at and what they’re trying to rule out.

I can remind her that the actual scan itself is relatively quick.

I can tell her, “You’ll be fine. It’ll be over before you know it.”

That’s my nurse brain talking.

But then my mom brain kicks in.

And mom brain says:

“Can I just do it for you?”

She’s 18.

and I obviously can’t do the scan for her.

But I would give anything to be able to take away the fear she feels when it comes to healthcare/medical.

And that’s the weirdest part of being a nurse and a mom.

I know enough to understand what is happening…

but sometimes knowing more makes it harder.

I can explain the process, but I can’t completely explain away the fear.

I can be reassuring, but I can’t make the appointment disappear.

I can tell her she’ll be okay, but I still want to sit there and make sure she knows she doesn’t have to be scared.

And I think that’s something nobody really tells you.

You spend so much time learning how to care for other people.

You learn how to assess.

You learn how to educate.

You learn how to reassure.

You learn how to keep your cool when someone else is panicking.

But then your own child becomes the patient…

and suddenly all of those nursing skills have to compete with mom.

And mom is LOUD. 😂

---

The worst part is over.

Now we’re just waiting for the iodine to make its way through and for the scan.

They told us the actual scan should only take around 20 minutes or so, which feels very manageable compared to the anxiety leading up to it.

And then there’s the other battle we’ve been fighting for the last three days…

FOOD.

She had to follow a very strict diet beforehand.

No sugar.

No carbs.

For three days.

Do you know how difficult it is to find food that doesn’t have sugar or carbs?!

Literally everything looks at you like:

“Hi, I’m a carbohydrate.” 😂

So once this is over?

We are getting a treat.

And we’re in the city today, so naturally…

she wants dim sum.

Honestly?

After three days of that diet, she deserves every dumpling she can fit on the table. 😂🥟

For now, I’m just sitting here trying to keep my own brain grounded while being the person she needs me to be.

Nurse Julie says:

“You’ve got this.”

Mom Julie says:

“I’ll be right here.”

And maybe that’s all she really needs.

Not a nurse.

Not an explanation.

Just her mom sitting beside her.

And honestly?

That’s exactly where I want to be.

Scrubs and Side Eyes
— Just trying to keep it together one shift at a time.